see, u r scared ..if u show ur feminine side , u ‘ll loose that tough outlook image..
This dialogue said by somebody has been playing in my mind for a long time. But the thing that I have started doing now generally in my life is that I pay attention to only those things in my life which are important, others are best ignored or atleast supressed for the time being!
I hate free time in hands these days. So many plans are there in mind but somehow I again want to start afresh on them in Delhi so these days are the days when I am in a state when I am looking back at so many things, atleast today! Somethings are still there which still hurt.Infact the problem is with me, I don’t have to look back and hurt myself again and again. But then the changes that I feel in me simply amaze me sometimes. The way I have started behaving with unknowns and relatively strangers( ok I hate to acknowledge it but majorly with the opposite gender) surprises even me!
This particular person is good( I can trust my instinct, right?) but the way I react to him or any other aquaintance is not the way I used to! May be what he said is true! I again have put my guards up, I again am back in my shell where people get to see what I want them to see but the real me is deep safe in a cocoon! The feminine side of my personality with which I think I never was very comfortable and which came for a while is again going back and hiding under that stiff image! I now feel its good to be good to people but they are never let into that zone where they gain a power over me, a power to hurt me! Hurt scares me now.
But then a thought comes in mind that am I not closing myself to many things by being like this? Only few people, very few have rights over me, rest really dont make much difference to me. I love them for being whatever they are but I don’t expect their love back. Thats the attitude I have now for everybody.I know its a comfortable zone for me but am I losing out at anything? Hmmm…… Maybe! But am I ready to take a plunge into relationship tangles? Do I want to ever?
Hmmm…..Lets not answer it Aushima Thakur! Comfy zone is comfortable! 
