So why am I like that? Whenever its time to take the plunge, the time to take the last step I try escaping that! And the worst part is I give excuses to myself! And all those wierd excuses!!!!
So I need a laptop, no? How I can do without it? And ofcourse I cannot use my bro’s, afterall even he has to use it!! …And I got one! But darling what’s the use of laptop without without Net connection, right? Ok I got that as well!!!! Hey but I am a very planned person how can I just get the date before doing the ground work and with the kind of the lifestyle and work hours I keep, do you really think its easy to find time out? Well…..honestly it is!! But do I do that? NO!!! So come back from office, chit chat, get into the web of net (hey, I am searching for relevant information!) and end up all the more confused and go to sleep very late in the night with all those mental tangles!! Get up tired in the morning, dress up hurridly and rush!!!
Why do I do this? Why do I keep running from things? Why this maze? Its like my those graduation days when I was running after the Medical entrances, never went to my graduation classes, flunked in the December house tests and then spent many days thinking and trying to hide myself from the reality of final exams! Gosh I still had to buy books in January and with final practicals starting in March I think it ws high time then!;) So after days of looking at those loads and loads of books with all those incomprehensible wierd looking diagrams and trying to plan things, I STARTED my mission when I knew I have reached the do-or-die situation! And yeah, I did manage ultimately, some how grabbed the second position in the college as well (I still don’t know how!) with quite a respectable score.
But why do I do that? I take myself to a limit where I am very near to a menal breakdown and I reach a stage after that where I lose any fear, become a fearless creature, who has nothing to lose and then take a plunge. Well…..Not a great way to live life!
And there is a person in your life who is so planned, at least was, when he had to take the same decision and another friend who was like you, infact even worse than you when it came to planning, and even he is also a planned fellow now! Infact roles have changed so drastically that he is the one who is talking all that “gyan” and then another friend whose all that planning is paying him and he is going to start a new phase! And all these guys push me, push me to decide, push me to just go for it! I am lucky to have such people in my life, people who believe in my capabilities more than I do!
But what exactly is stopping me? I know I have it in me (ok, thats a very immodest statement!) so then, why????
One decision and life will change? Am I ready for that? Do I want to do it? And why? Am I changing before even realising? Is something sapping in without my being conscious about it? What exactly I want from me, my life?Hmmm…. Do I want to answer that? Infact the better question is do I know the answer?
Hmm…. I think time to get up of this couch and stop listening to these rock songs! Bhaiya is making he third cup of tea for me!!! Probably will have a toast as well and get up and go to a Mall and escape all this!
Well no comments please!!!!
